77

Out of range

Sometimes a big number in computer gets truncated due to lack of space and represented as a negative number. A byte can't hold all integers.

Take away: I can't be recruited by everyone.

78

79

Core melt down

As of now, the core is non-existent. Wiped out completely.
Too many disasters. Too many things have gone wrong.
I can trust no one.

80

Negativity

We like to piece together information into a consistent story or fit it into a theory. Now, this theory may not necessarily correlate with the reality completely. In other words, the theory may not be correct completely.

This has an interesting adverse effect when we try to absorb a negative piece of information into our model. Often the whole theory that comes out of this, is full of bad and negative suggestion. One piece of information can not necessarily be the outcome of a total negative story only. So there we miss.

83

84

85

86

87

91

92

93

94

97

I am a Super-Hero!

And my special power is - I have a diamond core!

Yes!

Yes! Yess!! Yesss!!!

What counts?

What to do now

Really tired. Lost and hopeless. I just want it to end.

Surviving in Hell

For people I have cared and done so much, in reply I got nothing but deception, lies, hurt, betrayal and pretty much everything in this category.

Whether afterlife is true or not, it is evidently seen that this world is not where justice prevails.

I am alone. Not because I am stranded in an unpopulated area. But because, there is nothing even remotely close to comfort my heart. The ugliness and cruelty have engulfed the surrounding. Sincerity is a joke and honesty is vulnerability. I have waited long and hard. Given benefits of doubts to every possible ways. But how could I find something, that does not exist? As long as they can see kindness and honesty in me, they will harm me in every ruthless ways. They will keep coming back until I stop them. The hope for a friend, a love is only going to drag me down deeper into the trap. Where the hyenas are waiting to tear apart the flesh from the bones. This is a hell. A hell that deceives in its looks. But it sure is, what it is.

This toy made me happy

Bought myself a gift last Friday. It's called a 2013 BMW x3. I am already in love with this car. For more info see the the youtube video description at the following location. Thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU50A74fQVg&list=UUYdIVceVVHQ0-GjDTRKAKEQ&index=1&feature=plcp

Zeitgeist

1. Bigger picture, end goal
2. Take care of self
3. Bold, simple
4. Don't worry, Do act.
5. Happiness is for Now

Update

Survival and upholding of principles are mutually exclusive.

Garbage

Wastes a lot of time. A lot, really.

A delusion and the dreams

Eyes are there but to keep you in delusion. Because I see a lot better when I close them. Some people call it dreams. For me it's as close to the reality as I could ever get to; in this world anyway.

The biggest mystery about life is you have to stop doing whatever sheet that you are doing to wake up. Wake up to see reality. That is all around you but you have never seen before.

Everyday

The ice just got thinner. It's been thinning all the time.

Should I

Break the barrier of morality?

Forbidden truth

Nobody wants to hear the truth that I know. And no one wants to speak the truths that I want to hear.

Fair enough?

Every religion on earth is at least as stupid as it appears to the followers of the other religions.

2012

There is one, and only one goal.

Death

I didn't exist before. It's alright.

Must stop

Continually being deceived by the appearances.

I Wonder How

And you blame me for loosing all respect for the human race?

I Challenge You

My fate has embarrassed me, insulted me, made a mockery of me. It has put in me places where I do not deserve to be.

But I have respect for who I have become. I have never insulted my understanding of righteousness. I have never felt I have failed to keep my standards.

I am a good man. And things happened to me that I do not deserve. If there is someone who claims to be the judge of our actions, I want to see how this is dealt with. You can't trick me. I know in my heart what the truth is. You can't cheat there. No, you really can't.

Love

Love is one of the most overrated concepts of all. It's rooted on physical desire. There is in fact, very little more to it, if any.

Standing close to the truth

When the game is over, the crowd is gone, dawn turned to darkness, soul has returned home and you are with yourself again, like it always has been - what you have is the truth, immutable.

The Secret & the echo

I have to decode it. I will decode it.

When?

Obviously this is not enough to break through the shell. But when will it be?

For Nothing

Strange that the possibility of non-existence after death doesn't sound that much disturbing any more. It sounds peaceful.

What I want the most

I need to bring justice to this world.

Unforgivable

If you exist, you have broken my heart in the worst possible ways. I can't forget or forgive. There is simply no acceptable explanation for what has happened.

Predicting

What has happened and is happening is always the best bet for guessing what is about to happen - not fanciful, hopeful, imagination of a sharp turn around of events.

Comedy or Tragedy

With less and less time remaining, it is appearing to be more and more like a tragedy. Who really benefited from it? Nature, people, God?

Fairness and justice are getting more and more distant from reality - and very close to being a laughing stock. So I am proven wrong, and made failed. What really gives?

Since I still think in terms of justice; the only justification of sufferings I could see is, the fact that it is physically a possible phenomenon. Like everything that could happen, does happen.

I is not what this universe is for or. I is not what controls it. I is completely expendable and ignorable. The value of I is, truly a myth.

The Deal

I will hunt you down, make it even and bury you.

Where does it really go?

Tired of seeking the ever elusive truth, realized that time is almost up. This has been, for the most part confusing and deeply troubling, if not terrifying. What lies ahead is a complete mystery. But it will arrive with certainty. I don't know whom to praise or whom to blame. To be frank, the question of "who am I" has never lead to anything comprehensible or consistent. Could there be anything more unsettling than the failure to have come to a coherent understanding for the existence of the self?

Kick 2

I had let myself down - way too much. Time to regain some of it back.

I

I'm greater than my sufferings. I did not really find the world in a state I could call ideal. But I have a sharp and clear vision of what it ought to be. My inner light has never been deem or weak - as it guided me breaking into the intense darkness outside. My expectations are neither met nor broken by this external world, since they were not aimed for them in the first place. The only true existence I know of is I. And the real expectations I set is on self. There is nothing that will ever extinguish my spirit or lessen it by any measure. I will shine, for myself and serve others, prosper, and rise above every adversary that I am faced against.

How deep is the delusion?

Length of life is limited. Just hang on and it will be over.

Find out what are the priorities. And focus on those.

Screen out thoughts. Give priority to the ones that are more likely to affect the future.

Another day of

unsuccessful search.

This is a continuation of intense uncertainty and suffering. There is no concrate reason for hope. All point to a dull and dark end. Truth, is it?

Inside the Maze

Back to square one. Have I progressed even a bit?

Now

Or may be it 'is' over. May be it never really was there.

Game

This isn't over yet. I must survive.

Prediction

It's been a painful life. And in all likelihood, it's looking to get nothing bur worse.

The Battles

This is a battle. Fight it.
Do not give in to tiredness.
Comfortable decisions are not necessarily the optimal ones.
Decisions taken in frustrations are big mistakes.

Lessons from Life

There is a fine line beyond which politeness ceases to be your advantage; to the point of becoming a serious problem.

Understanding Helps

A complete understanding of the situation, removes all the emotions out of it.

Life in this Dirty World

Should I trust any one ever again?

On My Own

The biggest illusion is the feeling that I am not alone.

Well, there is company. But that is only hostile.

Waves

Do not ride on the waves of emotion. They will overwhelm you, distract you and probably drown you in the end. You can't control it. Just don't ride on it.

Without Doubt

Forgive. But do not forget. The ability to remember was given because we need it.

The Human Condition

The stronger you get attached to, the more painful it gets to detach from.

The perception of death to us, living beings, are funny - for life is but a process of preparing for death. A sequence of events leading to the detachment of self from this illusion. What is visible and tangible is illusion. And the truth is unseen. Such is the condition of existence.

The Prime Directive

I am in idealist. I can accept only a perfect ending. Everything must wrap up in concord. There can be nothing short, nothing extra. Nobody can be left out of this perfect ending. A perfect ending is happy. Happiness must include everyone and everything.

Last Man Standing

I will do it.

The Worst of Crimes

I think I have some idea now, why being ungrateful (Kafeer) is a matter of so much detestation by Allah. It sure is heinous.

Count down begins now

100 days and counting.

Can We Be Happy

http://www.philosophynow.org/issue80/Can_We_Be_Happy

How long

Evidence points to no justice. How long should I wait?

Long Sleep

Things are dark and slippery, I don't know how far it is.

The Tension

A problem can not be solved by the same conscious that has created it.
A. Einstein.

Therefore, I can't expect any solution from other human beings. They share the same dilemma and predicament.

I have to remind myself every moment, every day, again and again - I am alone and on my own. There is nothing more important than to survive and move on. The future is unknown. But that's where we are heading.

Two Findings

Have to minimize or remove dependencies of my happiness on the choice of other people.

Not all paths are solvable. But they might be avoidable.

Dark

It's incomprehensibly complicated.

Now

Critical decision. Am I up to it?

In the big pit

Permanent answer to a temporary problem.
But it's not really temporary. At least doesn't seem that way, right now.

Dreams

Trying to catch my dreams. But before I could, my dreams caught me.

Expendible

My life is valued nothing to nature.

Confusion.

What is stopping me to end this?

Detour

Even if I can't solve this problem, I must survive.
I can't end life in confusion.

Fundamentals

I must remain physically well.
Must not cause harm to self.
And have to stay focused.

Miles to go before I sleep.

Dreams and Reality

The distance is closing in.

A very hard question

Can I save myself from this?

Nothing is new

I don't know anything any longer. The confusions have engulfed completely. There is no hope, no guarantee of anything whatsoever. I am alone. And it's not that only I am alone. But everyone is.

Is Life a Test?

By 'test', what I understand is: arranging a set of events without the exact knowledge of the outcome. This calls for an entity who is 'testing' and the subject being tested. The question I have is, if life really was a test then who that 'tester' would be.

Now from a spiritual/religions point of view, if the tester is God, then it indicates God has planned something for which God does not know the results of. How likeable is that? Not sure.

To me, however, a more acceptable term for life is, a learning experience. That we could treat past experience to improve ourselves. It's not just a test, but the real deal. We are actually passing through the real world, where things are not virtual and experimental. But one time and very real. The outcome is also instant and real. There is no delayed judgment, everything that is supposed to happen is already happening.

I hope I made some sense. :)

This is the story of My life - Prelude

Happiness in everyday life is result of distraction and delusion. Distraction does not stay forever and this is why we need to continue to seek happiness, even though we have apparently been there already. The bigger the distraction, the permanent the happiness appears before us. But all delusions are temporary in the end and they all dry out. Most of us spend our enrtire life jumping from one distraction to the next, everytime getting just a glimpse of happiness (if lucky) but never quite getting what we truly want - a consistent, timeless realization of self and its real purpose of existence.

Distractions of this world are extremely hard to deal with. Most people do not even get trhough the veneer of it - which is mostly psychological barriers. We bounce our goal back and forth between career, health, money or other possessions. These are actually some of the most stable delusions to fall into. (Of course they are delusions after all and bound to loose meaning sooner or later). But there are even worse distractions that even in the scale of wordly (i.e. temporary) standard, not very wise.

The very small fraction of people who do identify this first level of distraction can not escape the next one - the physical reality. The existence of our body and the way we are attached to it, is the hardest delusion to overcome. It is so hard that even after we are given direct knowledge of its nature, we still can't help it. It is the hardest of all. The greatest mystery of our life.

I have quit job. All my efforts in life till now is in vein.

The Evidence

What if, this universe was, not created by an all powerful loving God - but by a most uncaring and cruel evil, that merely plays with its creation.
I am just asking, because the evidence is so in front of us. Because, it could very well be the truth, the explanation for all sufferings. If we choose to ignore the facts and live in a paradise of our imagination, we perhaps could. But for how long.
The truth burns through.
And it gets out. And then it burns. Real bad.

Essential Strategies

1. The most logical thing is always the thing to do.
2. Never fall into the trap of morality.
3. All things living or non-living, are potentially my enemy.
4. Never trust enemies.
5. Never expect favorable actions from enemies.
6. Eliminate enemies.

The Game of the Outlaws

I guessed it right, but I still couldn't avoid it.
I trusted people. One of the surest ways to fail.

Each and every single creature or entity on this world is potentially my enemy.
There is just one simple rule for this game of life: "Survive".

I have to do exactly that. Nothing less. And more imporantly nothing more.

I have to survive, at the expense of anything, everything.

Sounds reasonable

"You have to believe in yourself
when no one else does.
That's what makes you a winner."
- Venus Williams

Most Intriguing, Interesting

1. Is the world around you real in the same level as you are. Or is it a simulation or illusion.

2. Can one cause something to come to existence. Can you cause something to go out of existence.

3. Why anything exists at all. Why there are more than one existence. What separates something from other things.

Back to the drawing board

I've almost given up hope.
The most fundamental expectations from life are broken.
This world does not run by the principles I thought it did.
I'm Doomed & back to the drawing board.

Freedom, Mine

I let go. I let go completely.
I buy my freedom back. My life back.
At the expense of this day, I get my happiness back.

I win. I win again.
I win my freedom back again.
For it's mine. Earnestly mine.

Core updates

There is nobody to blame. Earthly or super-natural.

The hope for justice is flawed and unrealistic.

Accepting the reality is the minimum requirement for a happy existence.

Synesthesia

It's something we have all felt and experienced at some point of our life. Our brain is an interconnected network of billions of neurons. These connections do not have a sharp boundary across regions that serve totally different functionalities. Hence it is only natural to experience phenomenon like synesthesia where one type of perception (like smell for example) could excite feelings of another seemingly unrelated memories of perception (like a vision).

Antimnatter

News: CERN Scientists Trap Antimatter for Almost 17 Minutes

Is this the beginning of a new era of freedom from energy lmmitations? Almost all physical limits today are one way or other tied to the fact that energy is expensive. "Matter antimatter" based engines could really be the next big step to this regard.

1:50 pm, June 1, 2011

Norcross, GA.