Dreams and Reality

The distance is closing in.

A very hard question

Can I save myself from this?

Nothing is new

I don't know anything any longer. The confusions have engulfed completely. There is no hope, no guarantee of anything whatsoever. I am alone. And it's not that only I am alone. But everyone is.

Is Life a Test?

By 'test', what I understand is: arranging a set of events without the exact knowledge of the outcome. This calls for an entity who is 'testing' and the subject being tested. The question I have is, if life really was a test then who that 'tester' would be.

Now from a spiritual/religions point of view, if the tester is God, then it indicates God has planned something for which God does not know the results of. How likeable is that? Not sure.

To me, however, a more acceptable term for life is, a learning experience. That we could treat past experience to improve ourselves. It's not just a test, but the real deal. We are actually passing through the real world, where things are not virtual and experimental. But one time and very real. The outcome is also instant and real. There is no delayed judgment, everything that is supposed to happen is already happening.

I hope I made some sense. :)

This is the story of My life - Prelude

Happiness in everyday life is result of distraction and delusion. Distraction does not stay forever and this is why we need to continue to seek happiness, even though we have apparently been there already. The bigger the distraction, the permanent the happiness appears before us. But all delusions are temporary in the end and they all dry out. Most of us spend our enrtire life jumping from one distraction to the next, everytime getting just a glimpse of happiness (if lucky) but never quite getting what we truly want - a consistent, timeless realization of self and its real purpose of existence.

Distractions of this world are extremely hard to deal with. Most people do not even get trhough the veneer of it - which is mostly psychological barriers. We bounce our goal back and forth between career, health, money or other possessions. These are actually some of the most stable delusions to fall into. (Of course they are delusions after all and bound to loose meaning sooner or later). But there are even worse distractions that even in the scale of wordly (i.e. temporary) standard, not very wise.

The very small fraction of people who do identify this first level of distraction can not escape the next one - the physical reality. The existence of our body and the way we are attached to it, is the hardest delusion to overcome. It is so hard that even after we are given direct knowledge of its nature, we still can't help it. It is the hardest of all. The greatest mystery of our life.

I have quit job. All my efforts in life till now is in vein.